trying to clear my head

This week is not the best week in history for me.

 

Life is not like Toyota where everything keeps going right. This week it all seems to be falling apart. Like Chineu Achebe. Things fall apart.

Except this time it has nothing to do with colonialism. Perhaps this is a moment that I just need some choc chip ice cream and a bed and time to just fall apart.

 

This I suppose is a moping post and it has much to do with my disposition right now.

Yesterday was the most annoying day with the realisation that sometimes family can drive you up the fucking wall.  

 

You try to help people and they turn around and kick you in the butt and then blame you for it.

I called some people to tell them about a job opportunity. Very limited time offer. They call me an hour before the end of the workday to ask what's going on. Unfortunately I work in a world of deadlines. If you can't meet a deadline, don't expect me to come running after you and then sure as hell DO NOT BLAME ME FOR YOUR BLOODY INEFFICIENCY. I do not give a rat's ass about whether you are upset or not

I'm over that. Like someone very special told me. "Don't waste energy on unimportant un intelligent people. IT'S TOO MUCH EFFORT."

 

Unfortunately no one told me what to do about the important intelligent people.  

Perhaps things are falling apart and if they are, I will stand up and be counted.

 

Today a part of me died. It's gone and I may never get it back.

 

 

In the interest of never having parts of me die again here are some tips on being friends with me.

 

 

1)      Don't ever stop talking to me. Gary Chapman of the five love languages says that people have love tanks that need to be filled. My is talking. Talking to me says to me that you acknowledge me. That you see and hear me. Talk at me, scream at me. Whatever you do or don't do. JUST NEVER EVER NOT TALK TO ME.

 

This rule applies only in an argument and is actually the only rule to being friends with me.

 

This is a very strange post cos right now I'm in a very strange mood. 

I am a blue flame of furious

I could be Jack's raging bile duct.

 

There are moments in your life when throwing a tantrum is perfectly acceptable. When you want to scream and shout and throw things around.

I had one of those days yesterday.

 

My darling husband bought me an MP4 player and a FM modulator for Christmas.

My darling cousin Jackie put loads of music on it for me. Music to my hearts content

In theory a perfect concept and then the damn thing stopped working.

I had a little tantrum where I called Tim and screamed about buying stupid no name CRAP and then proceeded to calm down courtesy of the brilliant sounds of Tiesto.

After my meeting, I sat in my car and painstakingly tried to figure out what was wrong with the MP4 player and all it's friends. I did so. I even managed to get to the stage where I had plugged in some head phones and happily driving along listening to Alanis Morrisette. It seemed fitting to have her mournful cadence filling my ears.

I was driving along happily singing along

And then

 

AND THEN.

 

THE ****ING BATTERY DIED.

 

The battery died.

This then resulted in another call to Tim that featured loads of alternate screaming and hysterical laughing. You know what they say. You scream or laugh. I did both.

 

AND THEN

 

I was told that I'm doing enough work, despite having three very lucrative potential things on the table. I understand where management is coming from. I really do understand.

I really really do.

BUT

I was having a bad day.

And as rational as the thoughts may be, I was not really in the mood to hear them. As I've said a million times before. BAD DAY

 

The absolute cherry on the cake was ordering a toasted sandwich and it wasn't toasted.

 

By this stage I was in no mood to deal with anything at all ever.

 

But I'm okay now.

 

At least I think so