I"M DISGUISTING

This post is quite personal because I’m finally putting the proverbial pen to paper and letting it all go.

 

The cricket is finally over. I can rest at last. It’s been a long two weeks. I am emotionally and physically drained. I think the biggest disappointment over the last two weeks was being told that I’m disgusting. Not all of the facts were obtained, in fact they were not even asked about. Judgement was made and that was the sentence,

 

According to my mother, the women who gave birth to me I’m disgusting and so at the age of 26 I’ve finally given up trying to please my mother. It’s harder that I ever could have ever imagined.

 

Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. The basic premise of this book is that to show someone you love them, you do it in a way that makes sense to them. My love language is words of affirmation. Tim’s love language is physical touch. Jeremy’s I think is gifts. The long and short of it is that if you to tell me you love and appreciate me, say so in words, give Tim a hug and buy Jeremy something (again I think)

 

Words apparently have the power to speak life and death into people hearts, souls and minds. After mother’s emphatic declaration on Saturday morning, I spent the rest of the weekend in a daze. I felt like I wasn’t really there. All those people depending on me, all those journalists who knew my name and depended on me, did they think I was disgusting to? I felt unreal. Smiling and laughing happily and putting on a brilliant show. All the while wondering if those people also thought I was fake, did they also think I was disgusting?

 

 

So if I seem overtly sensitive, If I seem like I’m trying to hard, if I come across as being entirely unsure of myself and trying to hard to please, it’s because I’m still reeling.  

 

A lot of people may be angered by me putting this on my blog. I don’t really care actually if this offends anyone. Dr Seuss said that the people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter don’t mind. Perhaps it’s not very relevant for this situation but well do I really look like I care?

 

Oh and by the way I’m disgusting because of magazines that I didn’t buy and requesting something that I asked to be returned to me. If there is anything I learnt from this whole episode, it’s that you really can’t trust anybody. There’s no such thing as in-confidence anymore.

 

So a word to the wicked:

Keep all your secrets to your self