Been a while

It has been a while since I posted. Mostly because I have been busy at work and my internet connection was not working as it should.

This last weekend has been a monumental one for me. I pushed the borders of what can and could not be done. Let’s just say a great time was had by all.

 

The one thing that has been on my mind quite a bit lately is responsibility. How responsible am I for my brother’s (or sisters) actions? Cain asked God if he was Abel’s keeper. Certainly we should not abandon all responsibility of family and friends but how much of it is our. I have been constantly thinking about how much my action affect other people. Luke Ford said "Everything we do affects other people." Yes I do get that. But I’m also of the opinion that I am not a deciding factor in anybodies decision other than my beloveds.

 

We live our own lives and do our own things.  I guess the essence of this is that I’m tired of being made to feel guilty about some one else’s choice’s.

the weekend

This weekend was undoubtedly one of the coldest weekends I have ever been through. I had a lot of fun at the ladies camp I attended. I even made my own fridge magnet for my mother.

I got to know a lot of interesting things about people and they got to know a lot of interesting things about me. I did miss some people who were not able to be there.

Am I really my own person?

There’s a huge emphasis in the world today about being your own person and striving to make your own make on the world. Husbands and wives don’t wish to stand in each other shadows, siblings don’t want to be seen as carbon copies and people as a whole generally want to be seen for their own value and worth.

But how much of your own person are you? As children growing up we do develop our own personalities, likes and dislikes. But for the most part are under the care of our parents. We learn that we do things a certain way. For example some children might learn that you never put your feet up on the couch. To others it’s a non-issue. They’ve never really thought about it.

My question here though is when do you throw of the shackles of parental control (and it does indeed move from care to control) and begin to make decisions about your own life. At which point in your life is it okay to say: “I don’t agree with what you taught me while growing up. I’m making new decisions based on what works for me.”

After all is it really yours to begin with?

We can never get away from the truth (even if truth is relative) that our decisions have consequences not only for ourselves but for family that surrounds us and the friends we choose. The decisions I make are what fits for me in my lifestyle.

My decisions may not be the ones you want me to make and my lifestyle may not be the one you want me to live but it is the one I choose just like you choose the lifestyle you wished to have.

....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." – John Donne

yes, even today

The situation that I am in at the moment is no longer one that is so unique. I look around me walking through the mall or anywhere really and there are scores of inter-racial couples everywhere around me. To be honest I can’t help but stare. There’s a piece of me that wants to go up to them and ask if it’s easy.

 

I don’t think I really understood what I was embarking on until I came face to face with the reality that my relationship was thought of as an anomaly, a mistake that should be blotched out. It’s not easy to walk around and see the stares.  It’s even harder when you realise that they stares and comments are all directed at you. It’s quite disconcerting when well meaning acquaintances proudly declare that they could never do that. I never have any idea about what to say then.

 

The whole inter-racial relationship is something that I had to deal with and I have. I wouldn’t trade my beloved for anything in the world.

 

All of these experiences should have made me realise that there are people out in the world who think of themselves as being better than all the other races in the world.  Despite having come in direct contact with those types of people, it still shocks me to the core every time I come across something new like that.

 

Human nature is something that I don’t think I will ever understand. The concept of truth and what is right and wrong seems to incredibly different among people. Perhaps it is true that truth is indeed relative but surely respect and dignity are the same among all people, irrespective of race, ideology or religion even.

 

The American Declaration of Independence states “that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

 

Or perhaps it was George Orwell who it had it right when he wrote that “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.”

 

The reality is that there are still people who start and join pro-apartheid groups. In their own minds they are right. In my mind, they’re a sad pathetic bunch of losers that cannot adapt. 

 

Who’s right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

confessions

It has been a really bad dieting fortnight. I fell of the bandwagon and didn’t bother to get back on. Well they say the first step is to realise that you have made a mistake and then move on. Well here I am recognising that I have fallen of the band wagon and am now trying to get back on.

 

The Random House road show as always was a blast. I love the event. It’s one of my events of the year. Brilliant books as always. Very soon I will be the proud owner of the new Nigella Lawson, a biography of the earth and updated version of one of Delia Smith’s first ever cook books.

 

Yes I opted for a Delia. I do understand that people everywhere will be shaking their heads in dismay at that choice. But I do think that we should not ignore the older classics in favour of the newer ones. All things have their place.

 

 

 

a point I need to make

I feel this is a good time to clear up a misconception that has been bugging me for ages.

 

Just because I am married does not mean that I do not like going out as much as the next person. Actually I may actually just enjoy it a lot more because I’m NOT looking for a quick shag. I’M MARRIED. I can get those anytime I want.

I must admit that I am actually really quite sick of the expectations placed on me as a married individual. As though by getting married I suddenly decided to actually take all the fun out of my life and need to hang out with other married people so we can sit and discuss the ever rising price of potatoes. Trust me when I say that none of my married friends and I have ever discussed the rising price of anything.

Marriage has only added to my lust for life. I now have a partner in crime.

 

I must say that I’m not lobbying to be out partying till dawn every weekend. I’m just making a point that like everybody else on the planet, I would also love to go out and have a great time sometimes.

 

I’m married not in prison.

 

celebrate

Anybody who knows me well enough has often heard about my love for the brilliant Primi Station 4 at Gateway. I have celebrated my last two birthdays there with very special friends.  I had a wonderful time last night. I am so very grateful to my friends who I discovered actually know me very well. It was a lovely evening with good food as always and good service. I had the beef medallions served with parmesan mash and veggies on the side. Delectable! I loved it. Very pricey at R105 but worth every penny.  I must admit though that the rising cost of eating out has forced me to rethink doing it as often as we did. And at the end of the day I think I prefer my own cooking anyway. But when it comes to eating out PRIMI is the standard by which all other restaurants are measured.

 

Of course every good night always has one bad spell to it. The best way to deal with bad spells is to actually just let it go. I guess at the end of the day be grateful for what you do have and don’t think twice about those things that you don’t have. I had about a dozen wonderful friends with me last night and I had a blast.

 

So to all my people THANK YOU so much for coming last night and celebrating with me. None you of you have any idea of how much you each mean to. I think of al of you all the time and miss you all the time. And thanks for all the brilliant gifts. I love them.     

 

 

And for the golden trio of booksellers. We will part again tonight.

 

my birthday present

I have for years wanted a full length jacket like the one pictured below. Now that said jacket is hanging in my cupboard, I am elated at having acquired it.

I think the best things are when you’ve you been wanting something for ages and then you get it as a gift. Almost like someone saw into your head and picked out something they liked and handed it to you.

A jacket like the one I have just been given is a classic, something that never ever goes out of fashion. I will treasure it for the rest of my life. It is without a doubt one of the best gifts I have ever been given.

 

And to my beloved who gave me such a treasure.

 

From the bottom of my butt (because it’s a lot bigger than my heart)

 

THANK YOU.

 

what a brilliant birthday present. A full length wool coat. I love it.

the last day of being 25

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new era. Tomorrow I turn 26.

 

Hectic. I used to think being on the other side of twenty was positively ancient. I don’t think so anymore. I’m looking forward to a good year of being 26, fancy free and my whole life ahead of me. I have some great stuff to look forward to in the coming year as soon as I get over this cold.

 

I will be celebrating in Wednesday night at the fabulous Primi Piatti. There will not be a repeat of last year. After all I’m supposedly older and wiser now.

 

I can taste the lamb chop special even now.

 

 

observation

I must admit that every job has its up and downs. At the moment I’m doing research. I love doing research. There’s something so extremely fulfilling about looking for information, finding a lot of stuff and then having to read and sift through all that information to find what you really need.

 

At the moment I’m looking for a report in Online Banking Practices in Europe. There’s actually more than one report. So I’m looking forward to reading about online banking in Europe. I must admit that part of the report will most likely annoy me. WHY? Because I have no doubt that online banking practice in Europe is so much more superior to online banking in South Africa.

 

Yesterday I spent the day home sick. Today I’m spending the day at work sick.                             

wonder's

It’s a cold Monday morning.  Okay it’s not so cold outside but my office seems to attract the cold. The very walls themselves seem to have a wish to be part of an icebox. I’m in an interesting state of mind at the moment. There are many things to consider and you never really know how the decisions of today are going to affect tomorrow.

 

I’m thinking about what is more important to me. To have a family and life with them or to work my way up the career ladder and see where that takes me. Choices like theses are never easy. On the one hand of I pursue a career, I’d end making lots of money, have a nice house and fancy clothes. But is that what it really important? Or is the love of a family and being able to be with them. But then let’s think about this way – without that brilliantly paying job you can kiss a house and warm food and clothes even maybe goodbye.

 

How do people do it? How do they bring up children? Provide them with a good education and still feed them and clothes them and all the other necessary things. It is something that I am trying to figure out.  What is more important to me?

 

The other side of me says I’m way too young to even be thinking about all this and I should just go out and party.

 

grrr aaargh

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things and I’ve been leaving myself mental notes to blog about them.

 

The thing I think that has annoyed me the most this week was the flat blond cow that could not wait 10 seconds for me to turn despite the fact that I had been waiting ages for the person in front of me. Now she had to drive up alongside me ONE THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD and block my view of on-coming traffic on the lane I needed to turn into. Some people are just rude an annoying and just make you want to scream. LOUDLY.

 

Anyway the other problem is that my beloved is away this coming Thursday and Friday night and all my peoples are booked out. I am going to be reduced to sitting around on a couch watching DVD’s or maybe not. We’ll have to see what happens. With the kind of weather we are having now. Not everybody seems keen to be going out. Which is entirely understandable.

I need a new movie playing in my head

I finally understand what it means to be so caught up in something that you loose you head.

 

I finally understand what it means to be part of something so much bigger than yourself and the immediate people around you.

 

I finally understand what it means to hang your head in disbelief and defeat.

 

I finally know what it feels like to be heart broken and crying because your team didn’t win.

 

I finally know that I will still stand proud in my team colours even after disappointment.

 

I know what it means to analyses moments in my head and somehow make changes.

 

I finally know what it means to be a fan.

 

           

Sometimes you spend your time trawling to things that are interesting and sometimes not so interesting. Sometimes you find things you just have to share. This is one of those times.

 

“My brother told an American he was from South Africa... He said 'Isn't that where Apartheid was?' my brother said 'yeah', the American then said.... Wait for it ... 'I didn't know there were any white people there.' “

 

Minutes to Midnight

I got the new linkin park CD last night. As I was buying the CD, a guy next to me said that it was crap and there was no screamer. At least that’s what I think he said. We made a few more purchases and then went back to the car (I lost the parking ticket). Of course the first order of business was to put on the new Linkin Park CD. (for those who need to know, I was patiently waiting for a call to tell me my CD had arrived from my regular store, after no call for two days, I could not wait any longer and got it from a store I hate making purchases from. But well desperate times call for desperate measures. It had been out for two days already and I didn’t have it.

 

Anyway back to the music. YES there was screamer. Track 2 features Chester in all of his throaty glory. Some of the tracks are good old screaming angry Linkin but overall the album has a beautifully mellow sound to it. Linkin Park has grown up and I guess perhaps I have grown up with them. But as always their music still speaks to the soul. I must admit I don’t have the issues I once did so the lyrics for some of the songs simply just pass me bye.

 

The album is brilliant and I can see myself listening to it for days to come. Track 3 (Leave Out The Rest) is brilliant and should be released as a single.

 

I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
But no one would listen, ’cause no one else cared
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
What am I leaving when I’m done here?

So if you’re asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest, don’t be afraid
I’ve taken my beating, I’ve shared what I made
I’m strong on the surface, not all the way through
I’ve never been perfect, but neither have you

So if you’re asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you’ve learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can’t be who you are

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you’ve learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can’t be who you are

I can’t be who you are

 

the madness of it all

I just spent the last 10 minutes furiously dialling 5fm to try win tickets to the Sharks vs. Bulls match on Saturday. I listened for three hours prior to that and had all the correct answers to the questions asked. I think I made 40 calls.

 

And at the moment the lines were open to start calling in to win ticket – my boss decided right there and then would be a good time to have a meeting.

 

Congratulations to all those who won tickets. I am green.

politics

The world to me seems settled at the moment but I am very aware of the swirling mess that is currently dominating the lives of individuals close to me. I was unintentionally involved in the fray. Who knew blogging had an element of danger attached to it? I don’t know the whole story so I will refrain from commenting but rather talk about something that I heard on the radio this morning.

 

Apparently in Cape Town on Monday a 42 year old man was shot four times over a parking space. If you want to know more click here. This morning Highway Radio had a phone in about road rage and what can be done about it. One lady called in saying that the government is at fault and that they are not doing enough about it.

 

To me it seems that when ever anything does not agree with our way or life or our views on the way the world should be, we stop and say “let’s blame the government’. We never seem to stop and say “What can I do to make the problem better?” How can my behaviour change the way the world works? It’s easy enough to blame the government but it never seems easy to take responsibility for our own actions.

 

It is true that perhaps the government can do something about road rage, but then we’d find something else to complain about. The crime is bad, the roads are not clean. There’s too much of one thing and not enough of another. South Africa is a beautiful country with beautiful people who are all content to blame the government for everything.

 

I personally think there are lot of mistakes that have been made, are being made and will be made in the future but we really need to actually take responsibility for ourselves instead of screaming “GOVERNMENT” every time.

 

 

 

 

 

GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN

Today has been a weird day. Stuff happens. But I’ve also just found out that I’ve been awarded a bursary for my studies.

 

Which is great and it means no more messing around. Having a bursary means working hard.