I just re-connected

Sometimes we forget about the people from our past. They become fond memories that we dredge us and smile about and then put back into their little keep sake boxes. There are friends that we loose touch with. They leave their footprints on our hearts and then for some reason we never see again

And the sometimes just by chance
A little something that you could never see coming … you get the chance to reconnect.

I ran into old friends this year and it’s amazing to have done that. Sometimes it feels as though that time and distance meant nothing cos the connection is still there. It’s nice.

Hopefully this will be a chance to rebuild the bridges that I thought fell. It’s nice to go back in time with somebody that knew you back then.
I have no doubt that I’m a different person now than what I was back then. For one thing I live in my own house with my husband now. I go home if and when I feel like.
The whole house is mine instead of a tiny little bit of it.

So it will be interesting to see if the people we have become connect the same way our 16 year old selves did.


We promised to always stay in touch. Maybe it’s time to keep the promise.

Here’s hoping.

2007 in review

Okay so maybe the blogging thing went out of fashion or then again maybe I really didn’t have anything to say or maybe I got tooo lazy and didn’t feel like making the effort to do a post.

The new job goes well. Not so new anymore though. I started here 8 October and so now it’s just over three months and it’s all going well. The hick up of the last year are over.

It was a strange year last year. A lot of first’s most of which were terrifying and well really didn’t have to happen.
The list of first’ include

- Visit to the emergency room.
- Only report sold during my tenure at MarketWorks
- First brush with anesthetics
- Time staying out all night and only going home in the morning
- Traffic fine for a whopping R1500
- Time at an all you can eat prawn night.
- Time I got to hold my nephew soon after he was born
- Curry cooked by myself

So perhaps the list is not as brilliant looking as what it did last year. 2007 I think was a year of growing up. A lot of growing up.
It would not be accurate to say that I didn’t loose anybody who was close to me at the beginning of the year. So I’ll opt for no one who was close to me at the beginning on the year died. That would be more accurate. Unfortunately 2007 was the year friendships were tested and the resolve strengthened or broken. I have taken moments to mourn the loss of those people in my life but also the time to reflect that sometimes the decicision to let go, despite how painful it might be is the correct one.

In my opinion at the time when it mattered I made the effort to mend the broken fences and that it. It’s done and ready to be served.

I’m looking forward to this new year of blogging. I will try to not have a two month absence again but things are different so posts will not be as often as what they were.

But to you my dear reader, I’m back and ready to roll

Happy New Year. Make the best of it. Make it Happen .

I am scared.

Of course I am

People keep asking me if I’m nervous and I keep thinking why are you asking me such a stupid question. It’s a very polite question, one that must be smiled at and politely answered.
“No I’m doing great” because nobody really wants to know if I’m scared or not. No one wants to know if I wake up in the middle of the night with my over active imagination running wild and thinking about all the strange possibilities that are so very unlikely but just might happen. The kind of stuff that you see on ‘The Twilight Zone’ like something going wrong with the anesthetic and I’m trapped unable to move or tell anyone that I’m awake and can feel every single last cut that is made.

I think it’s stupid to ask people if they are okay. What kind of answer do you expect? Do you really expect them to say NO I’m not okay? In fact when you ask, do you really actually even care?

Another thing that annoys me is when people say it’s the cherry on top. Do people realize that the cherry is the most insignificant thing? You eat it and then it’s gone. Other than decoration it’s not really anything. Nobody ever says that they remembered the cherry. You only ever remember the desert. So what’s the point of saying it’s the cherry on top?

I think as a society we should make an effort to stop asking pointless questions. This is the list
Are you okay?
How was the honeymoon?
How’s married life?
Are you scared?
Are you nervous?

Don’t ask questions just to be polite. Rather just
SHUT THE HELL UP

Pre-post

This is a pre-post. That mean it’s a post before a post. Whatever. Has anyone really noticed the pre-everything that we have now that supposedly makes everything easier to do? Pre-cooked, pre-washed, pre-clean, pre-this, that and the other. My favorite is pre post-colonial. I think I like that one best. It’s before and after.

Are we gonna have pre-death as well?

Where you’re dead but not actually?

I’ve been de-cousined … AGAIN.

Indeed it has been a while since my last post and a lot has happened since then. But let me assure you that I’m still here and stronger than ever.

I went to my first all nighters this weekend. My only regret was that I did not have the original party girl to share it with. She said she was tooo tired. Anyway there’s always next time. Turns out that I impressed some people (at least one person anyway) being on the dance floor all night.

I’m told there’s a certain amount of guilt that one feels the next day, I feel nothing. No guilt at all. Au contraire, I can’t wait for the next time.

Anyway getting back to the topic of this post. As I said I’ve been de-cousined. This time without all the humming and ceremonially jargon that marked the first fortunate occasion. This time around I also didn’t get my R2 from the mother of the head of the party. I suppose with inflation it should be R200 now. But I’m older and wise and got a bit more than that in the bank so I’ll waive that aside.

In other news my 26 year inning of not going to hospital has finally come to an end. After two hours of throwing up the non-existent contents of my stomach, I went to the emergency room at the hospital. It’s really not my fault. Where else can you find a doctor at 1 in the morning?

It was only two hours and I don’t think it quite counts. But I was there with a drip in my arm so I guess it will have to do. On the upside even though it was the morning at least I was out in two hours.

That counts. No over night stays in hospital. 26 years and counting.

welcome, welcome

Presenting Toby Joshua Holroyd born at 9:30 19th October 2007.


Clearly one of the highlights of the weekend. The other was without a doubt South Africa winning the Rugby.

The final highlight was finally cleaning out our spare bedroom. It's now all clean and clear and ready for us to make a mess of it again.
I also only have one exam left. Afrikaans. JOY. Once that is over I'll be home free.

So many changes have taken place in the last month and changes are sometimes good things. it's nice to not be bored all the time irrespective of how this might affect posting to my online journal. I suppose this is more for me to remember than for anyone else :)

It's been a good month and I think the year is gonna get alot better. Christmas is just around the corner and I would have had my car for a year. I think I'm forgetting what it feels like to not have my own car. FINALLY.

that's it for now. I'm looking forward to this weekend and to holding Toby for the first time later today. I'm also looking forward to a good night's sleep and a good session at gym.

the first day of the second week

so on the first day of the second week of my new job and I was stuck in traffic for a whole hour. that kinda thing really sucks. I mean really it's the last thing you and of course is the first thing to happen.

everything's going well so far. including my diet but i'm stuck in a time zone. i need to study and guess what?
no really guess

I DON'T WANT TO.

not much of a surprise is it?

I'm weaning myself of facebook. the biggest thing keeping me there is Fighters Club. An application that I am without doubt addicted to.

if this posts seems entirely free of something going wrong or something crazy in the air, it's becasue it is.
There are always things going wrong but I suppse that's life.

Sometimes you're up,
Sometime's you're down,
Sometimes your head is spinning all around.

thank you my darling

In the establishment of any relationship, I do believe it should take a certain amount of time before one finally gives and uses cutesy little names like my darling or sweet heart or baby.

With regards to this there are two types of people in the world. Those that don’t mind being called very popular endearments by strangers they speak to on the phone or people that you just met and then there are the people who do mind. I mind.

There’s a certain sense of fakeness for me in that. How can you call someone you’ve never met darling? I suppose it also cheapens it when people that you are very dear to call you that. So that’s my little gripe today.

Comparatively speaking compared to what I’ve been feeling over the last week, it’s very minor.

So it’s my first week at my new job and I’m loving it. The days have been filled with an array of activity including trying to get the switchboard to work. The last two weeks have been a bit of a topsy turvy. I’ve been looking forward to moving on from MW and at the same time spent a great deal of time wondering if I have what it took to do the job I had been hired to do. I knew that logically I could do it and be really good at it but there was always the doubt at the back of my mind. There has also been a lot of drama going on.

Friends come and go. They disappear from your life for a while and then come back and you pick up from where you left of. Others are always there in the background and you meet once in a while and it’s a constant. The relationship is great and you never put much pressure on each other. Then there are the friends that come into your life for a small season who tend to take everything they can from you and then move onto the next person.

Unfortunately you never know who these people are. Sometimes you get warned and then don’t pay attention to the warnings. You tend to believe in your own strength and loyalty and then hope it rubs off onto that person. After all, how can somebody that you put that much effort into, not have the decency to return it?

When that happens, you’re left wondering how you could be so blind and stupid. Let me say right now. It’s not me.

I made every effort and I am a good friend. I feel no guilt about this relationship falling apart. Actually to be honest, I’m relieved that we no longer can be friends. In fact we stopped being friends once she went back to her trashy boyfriend for what seems like the 50^th time in a sixth month period. Personally I prefer to surround myself with people who value themselves. She really doesn’t so it’s actually a relief to let this go.

The important thing is that I got my shoes back. Keep your casual ‘invites’

To everyone who has been a good friend (and you can judge yourself) THANK YOU. If you’re not you only get out what you put in.

I"M DISGUISTING

This post is quite personal because I’m finally putting the proverbial pen to paper and letting it all go.

 

The cricket is finally over. I can rest at last. It’s been a long two weeks. I am emotionally and physically drained. I think the biggest disappointment over the last two weeks was being told that I’m disgusting. Not all of the facts were obtained, in fact they were not even asked about. Judgement was made and that was the sentence,

 

According to my mother, the women who gave birth to me I’m disgusting and so at the age of 26 I’ve finally given up trying to please my mother. It’s harder that I ever could have ever imagined.

 

Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. The basic premise of this book is that to show someone you love them, you do it in a way that makes sense to them. My love language is words of affirmation. Tim’s love language is physical touch. Jeremy’s I think is gifts. The long and short of it is that if you to tell me you love and appreciate me, say so in words, give Tim a hug and buy Jeremy something (again I think)

 

Words apparently have the power to speak life and death into people hearts, souls and minds. After mother’s emphatic declaration on Saturday morning, I spent the rest of the weekend in a daze. I felt like I wasn’t really there. All those people depending on me, all those journalists who knew my name and depended on me, did they think I was disgusting to? I felt unreal. Smiling and laughing happily and putting on a brilliant show. All the while wondering if those people also thought I was fake, did they also think I was disgusting?

 

 

So if I seem overtly sensitive, If I seem like I’m trying to hard, if I come across as being entirely unsure of myself and trying to hard to please, it’s because I’m still reeling.  

 

A lot of people may be angered by me putting this on my blog. I don’t really care actually if this offends anyone. Dr Seuss said that the people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter don’t mind. Perhaps it’s not very relevant for this situation but well do I really look like I care?

 

Oh and by the way I’m disgusting because of magazines that I didn’t buy and requesting something that I asked to be returned to me. If there is anything I learnt from this whole episode, it’s that you really can’t trust anybody. There’s no such thing as in-confidence anymore.

 

So a word to the wicked:

Keep all your secrets to your self

 

It turns out for those of you who are unaware that there are perks to being a volunteer. This is one of them. It was very exciting doing this. Yep that’s me next to Mahendra.

It’s been a tiring last two weeks. Emotionally there’s been a lot to deal with. If you saw the last post that was deleted, well I did that because I decided it was something personal.

The tournament is almost over and I’m looking forward to the up coming public holiday and a good session at gym. I’m also looking forward to a decent home cooked meal and a decent solid 8 hours of sleep.
I have to say though despite the late hours and the working of two jobs, I’ve had the time of my life. This is an experience of a life time and I loved it.

Prelim draws here I come.

grumble

The next three days are going to be tiring and very very exciting. Today marks the start of the very first Twenty20 Cricket World Championship. It’s an event that I am very proud to be part of. Unfortunately the timing of the wonderful experience could not have been worse.

At my current job, we are busy preparing for the second Master Class this year. This requires a lot of effort and pain. For the life of me I can not understand the South African attitude to research and information in general. It’s almost a though someone somewhere along the line declared that all research and information was entirely useless and that they all had to plod along unsuspecting and without a clue.

 

Information is important and research is vital to understanding the world. Anyone who has ever watched an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is aware of how helpful research can be.

 

So I am at a loss in terms of understanding the South African attitude. I honestly really don’t get it. And perhaps that is the source of my frustration with my current job. I see the value of the service we provide and I do not understand why few other people do.  

 

 

random things

This is for the random things that are taking up space in my head.

 

1)      I wonder if Munro du Toit will be able to make it to the end of Idols.

2)      How come there was kykNet Idols and there is KykNet but there is no South African Channels dedicated to other race groups? I want to be on Indian idols!

3)      Why are the last twenty minutes of the work day going by so slowly?

4)      Who will win the T20 match between India and Pakistan?

 

I think my pet peeve at the moment is wondering who is the infinite wisdom thought it would be a good idea to stage the first ever T20 Cricket World Cup during the Rugby World Cup?

 

Attention is divided. Anyone who enjoys both cricket and rugby will hopefully not be happy.

 

checkerboard?

People who know me are aware of my views on racism intended and unintended. The reality of life is that all ethnic groups see things differently. What can be considered perceived by one group of people is not necessarily untrue for another group. Everyone is aware of our bloody and violent history and yes it true that all of this is behind us now. But if you look closely you can see the fine lines, the cracks in the plaster of democracy and racial unity in South Africa.

 

Whether you want to admit or not racism is still alive and well in South Africa. Entirely covert but it is still there. You can’t wipe out years of oppressive thinking in just over a decade and to be truthful there are groups of people in South Africa who do still believe that the country rightfully belongs to them because they made it possible for roads and buildings and everything else that comprises the concrete jungle.

 

So what brought this on? My trip to Joe Cools on Saturday night. Here is it in black and white from someone who does not believe in pulling the race card crap.

 

I find some of the patrons at Joe Cool’s Racist.

 

If you are white and you find this offensive, too bad because I found the looks of hostility directed towards me also very offensive. Just in case anyone was wondering I could actually see you looking at me.

 

The question I suppose is do I care?

 

Yes I do. I do actually care because I would like the freedom to go where I want to without feeling uncomfortable. I paid the same as everyone else to get in there and I’m annoyed that I wasn’t as welcome as everybody else.

 

 

 

 

 

 

the end of the week

It’s been interesting and slightly stressful few days. The biggest thing was that my boss at my current job wanted me to stay till the 8^th of October and the new company wanted me to start on the 1^st so there was a bit of a tug of war that I was involved in. Personally from a financial point of view I think it would have made more sense to start of a new job at the beginning of a new month. It just helps in avoiding all that pro rata nonsense. But well I suppose they will have people to handle all of that.

 

I am looking forward to this weekend. Tomorrow night a friend and I are going to celebrate our new jobs along with a whole lot of other people. She wasn’t always a friend but I think that was more circumstantial than anything. The bridging of this particular gap has left me with a sense of fulfilment.  I’m thinking that finally at the tender age of 26, I’m maturing. Only a little though. The thing is that I’ve come to the conclusion that there were forces at work that did not really want us to be friends. One of those forces also went around telling people that I was so very much in love with him WHILE I was planning my wedding. Who knew? Apparently everybody but me. Clearly I was too busy with the wedding.

 

Well I feel like the hatched has been buried and I’m glad. This is just another example of things going well.

 

One thing that is not going so well is tae bo.

 

Let me elaborate. Tae bo is lovely and fast passed and one of the best cardio work outs in my opinion. There are all sorts of kicks and punches and jab and all that. Occasionally there are routines. Routines that involve fancy footwork things that you need to pay attention to. Now anyone who knows me knows I’m on the less fit side of the fence. So the routines sometimes kill me. More often than not I feel like an elephant stomping around trying to do these apparently complicated routines. An added annoyance is that the routines change every class. I only ever manage to get the hang of it by the end of the class and when I come back the next time I have to start from scratch.

 

As annoying and frustrating as it is, I will however stand and take a bow for sticking with it. I’m getting used to pain. Supposedly it makes you stronger. Yes well that’s only if you don’t DIE first.

 

 

the first day of the rest of your life

Everyday can be the first day of the rest of your life.

 

In the last few weeks I've been taking steps to get my life going. sometimes honestly I do feel like I'm missing something, as though life just passed me by and I never took the steps to grab hold and take plunge. Maybe that's the reason I'm an avid supporter of the lifestyle Jeremy has embraced which as all of you may know has been the source of endless discussion. Some may argue that perhaps I'm trying to live vicariously through my brother.

 

Well just to put the record straight - I'm not. I just want him to experience all that life has to offer. Within limits of course. If Jeremy or any of my family for that matter ever do something so stupid, it warrents a visit to the nearest psyce ward, they'll hear about it ... loudly. (that includes you!)

 

But that is not what this post is about. In the last few weeks I've been putting into place steps to rectify that situation. Tae bo and going back onto the diet with a vengence, make lifestyle plans and changes and today the biggest event of them all - signing my letter of appointment to my new job.

 

I start on the 1st of October as the new Juniour Account Executive for Primedia @Home. This is an excellent move for me. I've really been feeling like I've been stagnating and just waving as life passed me by in the last few months so this is almost like drinking from the fountain of youth for me.

 

So today is the first day of the rest of my life. A life filled with the satisfaction of knowing that i'm not sitting on my butt but actually going out there are doing something worthwhile.

It’s been ten years since the beloved Princess of Wales was killed in a car crash. There are something’s in life we never forget. I remember exactly where I was when I found about the Twin Towers in New York. I remember Jeremy walking into my room saying Diana was dead on the Sunday morning. I remember walking into the lounge and seeing my mother glued to the images on screen of the crash sadly.

Everybody loved the princess. Well almost everybody. The jury’s still out on Charles, Camilla and the rest of the Royals outside of Harry and William of course.

Thanks to working in a bookstore, I’ve seen personally how many South Africans admire and loved the Princess. And rightfully so. She was an amazing woman who rose up beyond the circumstances constricting and killing her to bring hope to thousands of people across the world. Diana even in death seems to reach out to people across the globe. There just seemed to be something about her that screamed I’m a living breathing person just like you. There was nothing stiff about her.

Her brother Charles Spencer had it right when he referred to Diana as “The People’s Princess … who needed no Royal title to wield her particular brand of magic.”
Personally I think she was a beautiful woman who gave all that she had to offer. I also think it’s wonderful that William got his looks from his mother

still

I feel like I’m sitting at the edge of an abyss waiting to fall. The next few days are going to be tricky and wonderful all at the same time. There’s the beautiful smell of spring in the air and every where everything seems to be coming to life. Just like the years I think our lives go in seasons, maybe not in the correct sequences but seasons all the same. I personally feel that I’ve been in autumn for the last year. And it feels like spring in on its way for me and after spring comes summer are summer is always fun and wonderful.

 

I’m taking a step of faith here. To everyone who knows me I ask you to please pray for the situation I’m in right now. You don’t need to know the specifics. Just pray that everything will come together as it is meant to. If it means I stay back in autumn well then I still know there’s a plan and purpose for my life and my time is still coming.

 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

Thanks to everyone who has shown their support. Hopefully soon I’ll have wonderful news for you all. And before you ask,

NO I’M NOT TRYING TO HAVE A BABY.

Facebook Login

 

Hey, your account is temporarily unavailable due to site maintenance. It should be available again within a few hours. We apologize for the inconvenience.

 

 

 

People everywhere are in a dead panic.

entirely accidental

Just when it seems that there is nothing noteworthy for me to say due to the whirlwind that is currently dominating my time, I arrive at a very strange place.

 

Those of you who have known me for a long time are aware of my distaste for the colour PINK. This is of course in part due to my mothers attempts to ensure that I lived in girl world. Everything I had was pink, my bedding, the walls in my room, my clothes. It felt like there was pink everywhere.

For the longest time I ran screaming in the other direction whenever faced with the colour but then I grew up I guess and realised that wearing pink sometimes does have it's advantages. So i began to re-introduce the colour into my wardrobe.

 

Today entirely by accident I find myself at the gym dressed entirely in pink. Right down to my pink playboy knickers.

 

Maybe I should remove the pink again.

It’s been a long time since my last post. There is a lot going on at present. Each story is in a different stage and none have come to any sort of definite conclusion. This is why I have not been posting. It seems that there are sparks here, there and everywhere but the stories are not complete and I suppose I can’t bring myself to placing them here in the public eye for fear I might jeopardise something or the other.

 

This is just a note so you know that I’m still here and the lack of posting has more to do with the current whirlwind that I’m in rather than lack of events to talk about.  

 

After all it is me. There’s always something to talk about.