strange things

Right now my computer is a bit screwy so I’m typing this out in a notepad document.

I had the strangest dream last night. Somehow a huge chunk of my hair got cut off and I couldn't have it curled for graduation. Also parts of the dream were my aunt and uncle. She wanted to by books and my uncle wanted my opinion on whether it was a good idea or not.

 

The week has really been a strange one. As you may or may not have notice I've been a bit under the weather. I’ve actually been that way for a month now. On Sunday will be a month since my beloved's car got stolen and it was really hard to adjust. Since December I had my own little baby, she was all mine and then ... I had to share. Right then I was back at square one. Gosh it was a killer.

 

Anyway for the last two days I have had my baby to myself. I kindly requested that my beloved make other arrangements to get to work. Pearl and I needed to re-affirm our bond.

So last night when we left my mom's I went screaming down the M41 9or at least I think it's the m41) in my little gumball car I got up to 130Km's per hour. Beloved next to me was squirming but speed not only kills, it thrills beyond all else as well.

 

Don’t worry though, other than the freeway I kept to below the speed limit ... mostly :)

 

When we go to the traffic lights at gateway I put peddle to the floor and got to the bridge before all the other cars. It was exhilarating.

When we got home beloved and I had a nice chat about being reckless.

Now I'm not saying that I’m gonna go speeding like crazy every time I need to go anywhere, I’m just saying that when there are not other cars on the roads, what’s the harm in a little thrill? I will not and always maintain that I was in perfect control of the car.

 

On other news, assignment 1 has been handed in. Afrikaans. I’m pretty sure I will do perfectly well. I’m on my way to becoming a teacher.  HA.

Also beloved and I may have to move … again. Trust me that is one thing that I am not looking forward to. I don’t like anywhere else. I like my flat and I want to stay there. Hold thumbs that we get to stay. Anybody who has ever seen my flat agrees that it’s a lovely lovely place.

 

But that’s all for now. Must get back to reality.

 

 

 

Chocolate Covered Breakfast Bars

The one that I had this morning contained the calcium content at least 100ml of milk and a 30g serving of a wheat free multigrain toasted cereal. And the entire bar weighed 25g. Hmmm. Something somewhere was cut.

 

I’m pretty sure however that there is some health law that states “Thou shalt not have chocolate for breakfast.”

Alas I need the daily chocolate intake and I’ve been told a billion times that breakfast in the most important meal of the day.

 

I have an appointment with a dietician in just a little while. I wonder if she going to put a stop to my lovely little delights.

As I Am Now

It has been a really long weekend with a lot of conflicting emotions. I think I understand now more than ever the absolute desolation one can feel. Since Wednesday I feel as though I have been striving towards some unattainable goal that everybody but me seems to know about. I seem to be floundering around like a fish out of water trying desperately to reach water. Perhaps we do want too much. Maybe what we think is good is really actually not.

 

I do feel as though it is time for some serious contemplation on where we wish to go and how do we get there.

 

I am beginning to think perhaps it is time to move on. Just let it all go. I do feel that the efforts I make are not really appreciated and I keep trying and trying and trying to please everyone and then when there is not even a slight bit of acknowledgement in return, I do indeed feel slighted. I do know that you’re not supposed to do things for people to get something back and that isn’t my reason for doing anything. But at the same time I feel that perhaps one should at least say thank you. It’s polite after all isn’t it?

 

 

But then maybe I am sitting in this little world all on my own assigning amounts of importance to people. And I think that maybe I am just as important to them as they are to me and the truth is that it isn’t so. This all probably reads like a long pity party and oh bloody hell she’s just a whiner. But all I think I’m really trying to do is understand. I’m trying to understand where I fit and if I belong. If I don’t then for heaven’s sake put me out of my misery and just tell me. Tell me so that I can stop making the effort and move on. Honestly it’s tiring.

 

 

Mmm Bop

            Does any body remember this?  

                       

You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You're going through all this pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
And they're gone so fast
So hold on the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
When you get old and start losing your hair
Can you tell me who will still care
Can you tell me who will still care
Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du
Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba du dop
Ba du bop, ba du dop
Ba du
Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It's a secret no one knows
It's a secret no one knows

(repeat chorus)

In an mmm bop they're gone.
In an mmm bop they're not there.
In an mmm bop they're gone.
In an mmm bop they're not there.
Until you lose your hair. but you don't care.

(repeat chorus)

Can you tell me? you say you can but you don't know.
Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?
Can you tell me if it's going to be a daisy or a rose?
Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?
Can you tell me? you say you can but you don't know.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

To my dearest brother.

 

Happy birthday.

 

You come a long way baby and I am very proud of you. Keep pushing the buttons. Don’t let any look down on you or hold you back.

 

I remember when you used to say that you never wanted to be mediocre.

You aren’t.

 

You never could be.

 

 

 

A brother shares childhood memories and grown-up dreams.  ~Author Unknown

over-reacting

Why do we over react? Simple things seem to just throw us over the edge? Human emotions are a strange and fragile thing. The last few days have been a bit taught. Easter is coming up and so is the church presentation and then there is church camp and to add to it all, I have been weighed down by things I don’t understand.

 

I understand now more than ever what it means to say that one could be in a room full or people and still be alone. My perceptions on a great many things are being challenged. Is it possible to see things wrong? I think yes and no.

 

To say that YES, sometimes we can see the wrong thing is obvious but often times it’s because we do not always have all the facts. But if things are hidden from you, whose fault it is?

 

To say NO, is being entirely full of oneself and not allowing for the simply thing called the “HUMAN FACTOR”

 

Suffice to say unfortunately it cannot be avoided and in addition one never really realises that one is over-reacting until after it’s all been done.  

The Cover of the Last Book

The cover of the last book

You have NO idea how excited I am.

a captivating subject

Every notice how the phone rings when you’re in the bath or on the toilet or (my personal favour) having a good shag and then you forced to answer it starkers?

 

 

I’ve taken to switching my phone to silent to avoid offending myself.

 

 

It’s even worse when the person on the other side goes – “So what you’re doing?”

 

 

How do you answer?

The System

First National Bank has set up a new Internet Banking system. This new Internet Banking system proudly features my insanely long surname before I got married. So like any good person who has ever dealt with banks, I called to find out why.

 

I spoke to a really nice man on the other side of the phone and told him that shortly after I got married over two years ago, I made my trip to the bank to fill out all necessary paper work to change my names on the bank’s system. I asked him if he could possibly check my name on the system to see what they had. Unfortunately I did not have my account number handy but could I give him my ID number.

 

His prompt response was to enquire if my ID number had changed after I got married.

 

 

 

And people wonder about the exceedingly high emigration rate of this country.  

all sorts of feelings

I must be honest

 

I feel all sorts of weird right now. Sort of like I’m here not really I’m actually far far away. So many things are uncertain for me right now. I feel like I want to pack up my whole life and just disappear into the sunset.

 

It really would not take much you know. Sometimes I think there really is nothing here for me. last night I told my husband that outside of my family. He;s been there the longest. There has been nobody else in my life that stayed. Nobody that stuck. I don’t remember child hood friends. I’m not even sure I had any. I feel like my whole life. All I’ve ever wanted is to belong and I don’t know if I ever will. I have always felt like the piece of the puzzle that didn’t quite fit right. From a distance all looked fine and okay but up close. It never really was

may have spoken to soon

I may have spoken to soon concerning the sibling thing.

 

Turns out he was defending my honour this morning.

and so the plot thickens

So there I was merrily minding my own business at the birthday celebration of one of my dearest friends. A good time was being had by all. As usual celebrations are interrupted by phone calls. Mobile phones. One of the greatest and most annoying inventions ever made.

 

I received a call from brother dearest to find out exactly what I told my mother in our conversation on the weekend.

WHY ?

Because I am now being branded as a sell-out! And names that were never even mentioned are joining the fray.

YEAH for me. I stood up for my brother. I guess it was too much to expect him to do the same for me. After all he called me to find out if I said anything. Instead of merely believing what was said to him when I called him to warn him of the coming storm.

 

YES the sibling relationship is changing. I am beginning to realise that all my efforts where brother dearest are concerned are all for nought. He has his own posse and I’m just the only other person on the planet that shares enough DNA with him should he require a kidney or some other vital interchangeable body part somewhere in the never-ending future.

 

I am also angered as being labelled as the sell out. I will answer questions I am asked honestly. Perhaps everybody should consider what I had to go through considering that I was being interrogated over other people’s behaviour. Not once but twice.

I will say it again

 

IF YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING THEN YOU BETTER BLOODY WELL MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE ALSO OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND ALL OF THE POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS.        

 

 

I will say it again

 

IF YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING THEN YOU BETTER BLOODY WELL MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE ALSO OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND ALL OF THE POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS.        

 

 

thoughtless

The week is half way through and I must admit that it has been a week of sleepless nights. Right now the bigest thing on my mind is that I want my car back. Or rather more accurately I want my darling husband to have his own car again. I must admit that the last few months have been an excellent example of my own abiltiy to “roll with the punches” as the saying goes.

 

It really has been one thing after another and I have no idea when any of it might end. Who knows what will happen and who it will affect. Like I said the storm is coming. A few of the lighting stirkes have already been sent my way and yes we have discussed my feeling on those things. Yes I was and still am angry but frankly, my dear, who gives a damn? I guess in the end we all “roll with the punches”. I guess it is a pity then that some punches are a lot harder than others.

 

One of the things to looks forward to is that one of my best friends is coming to Durban for the holiday and I will get to spend an entire wonderfully blissfull day with her on the beach. The weekend of celebrating our Lords death and resurrection is fast approaching. Yes it will be party central at the beaches, clubs and tons of other places. As for me and my house, we will be up to our necks in sorting our lives out.

 

My husband and I have reached the conclusion that we are both dread fully lazy. And have decided to make a go of thing. Really this time. April will be the month where we go to gym. Part of me wants to snicker “yeah right”. The other parts hopes that I will hold fast and get up extra early in the morning and make my way to where all the sweaty bodies gather to welll … sweat some more really.

 

Well enough of this now.

 

I must get back to work. Enjoy my nonsensical ramblings. It’s the only thing of my you’l ever get.

THE STORM IS COMING

OH HELL

The weekend is usually a time where one prepares themselves for the next week and comes does from the hype of the last week. A time to take time out you could say. A time to relax and be mellow and enjoy whatever it is you have to enjoy.

 

No not for me.

 

This weekend the proverbial shit the fan. Now let’s get one thing straight: I will not lie to my mother. There are a lot of things I will and have done but that is one thing I draw the line at. Not because I think I am better than anybody but because I have seen the light side and the dark side of lying to a parent. The honest truth of it is that they will find out. So when questioned, I always opt to take the high road. I tell the truth because if the truth then comes later from somebody else after my insistence that I did not engage in whatever it was, the consequences are going to be that much worse. So it’s more a case of deal with the fall out now and avoid a potentially bigger fallout later. That is my motto. Besides it’s so much easier telling the truth. I after all do not have the time or energy to keep track of who I am lying to.

 

So my mother asked me all sorts of questions and I answered. I answered them all truthfully. I even exposed my own misdemeanours in the answering of the questions (that is another thing I will not do. Protect myself when others are falling. I will fall with them). So my mother in her infinite wisdom thought it would be a good idea to expose the nefarious behaviours of those involved to their parents and then called me to tell me about it. I told her that she made a big mistake and should call back and tell “them” to not speak to my brother. I told her it would not help and only make the situation worse. She asked me to handle the situation. This is of course typical behaviour. Act without thinking about the consequences and then expect me to be the go between and protector from the backlash. Of course there is never really anybody to protect me.

 

Lo and behold the next call I received was from the parent involved or not so involved as the case may be as he lives on the other side of the country.

I got questioned regarding the behaviour of grown men and this is the part that gets me angry.

Why should I be questioned and further more what makes anybody think I am responsible for their behaviour?

 

But I did as I was asked, I told the caller to not speak to brother dear. I told the caller that he didn’t have a relationship with brother dear and would only make things worse.

I was not rude enough to say perhaps you should remove the logs from your own eyes before attempting to remove the specks from other people’s eyes. In retrospect I went in for a penny, might as have been a pound.

The callers response was that he didn’t care. I wanted to say “That isn’t news to me at all. Of course you don’t care; you never have.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

keep going

It’s a Friday afternoon juts before 2 and I am currently looking for pictures of world maps. All I really want is something that is simple. Something that will not detract from my main objectives.

 

I am finding that very difficult right now.

 

Rugby tomorrow. Sharks play the brumbies

I'm back

 

It has been ages. Anybody miss me? Okay so what has happened since my last post?

 

Oh yes. Some dork stole my husband’s car from outside our flat. The thing about this that really makes me mad is that I keep remembering that I work bloody hard for everything I get and then some spineless dork takes it away. It really rubs me the wrong way. I mean what gives that donkey the right to help himself to something that he didn’t work towards? You don’t see me going into your place and taking whatever you have lying around probably cos the dork that you are means that you have nothing because that’s all robbers and thieves will ever be.

 

BIG FAT NOTHINGS

 

Yes I have some anger issues but come on do you really blame me? I mean the day before this lovely tragedy I spent over 1000 rand on text books. I was looking forward to getting a nice new fridge for my apartment. I was finally in a place where everything seemed to be coming together and then some dumb person decided it was okay to take it all away.

 

Hey all my lovely readers

 

I know I know I have not posted in ages. But let me tell you life has been very busy. I had the time of my life last weekend. I went out clubbing till three in the morning and then went to a very exciting rugby match on Saturday and well Sunday was a really busy day too. The week is now half over and I must admit I am looking forward to the weekend. My beloved and I have decided that we will be spending the morning sleeping in followed by a lovely home-made breakfast or brunch in our case and then off to the beach we go, just to chill and relax and have some fun in the sun. I will of course not forget sunscreen. 

 

Anyway that is all I have time for right now but I do promise I will post again really soon.

 

Hugs and kisses

 

MWAH

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

The release date has finally arrived.

 

I was really gunning for a 7/7/7 but well 21/7/7 works as well.

 

Geez only like 24 and a half weeks to go.

it's been a while

            Yes I know, it has been over three weeks since my last post. Let me tell you, it has been an emotional and trying three weeks. But I have pulled through and am back on the road. Soe At the moment I am working non-stop. I need to make some money to pay for my sale books. I am also going to make sure that food costs very little this month. I know I know. I’m suppose to think of my stomach first and then my books. Sorry for me it just does not work that way.

 

I got some really good books this time around. I must be honest from my first sale to this one; I have become so unbelievably picky. The first time I just bough whatever caught my fancy. This time each thing was very carefully selected for its long time value. 

 

 

That being said. Just so you all know I am so very tired, it’s unbelievable.