observation

I must admit that every job has its up and downs. At the moment I’m doing research. I love doing research. There’s something so extremely fulfilling about looking for information, finding a lot of stuff and then having to read and sift through all that information to find what you really need.

 

At the moment I’m looking for a report in Online Banking Practices in Europe. There’s actually more than one report. So I’m looking forward to reading about online banking in Europe. I must admit that part of the report will most likely annoy me. WHY? Because I have no doubt that online banking practice in Europe is so much more superior to online banking in South Africa.

 

Yesterday I spent the day home sick. Today I’m spending the day at work sick.                             

wonder's

It’s a cold Monday morning.  Okay it’s not so cold outside but my office seems to attract the cold. The very walls themselves seem to have a wish to be part of an icebox. I’m in an interesting state of mind at the moment. There are many things to consider and you never really know how the decisions of today are going to affect tomorrow.

 

I’m thinking about what is more important to me. To have a family and life with them or to work my way up the career ladder and see where that takes me. Choices like theses are never easy. On the one hand of I pursue a career, I’d end making lots of money, have a nice house and fancy clothes. But is that what it really important? Or is the love of a family and being able to be with them. But then let’s think about this way – without that brilliantly paying job you can kiss a house and warm food and clothes even maybe goodbye.

 

How do people do it? How do they bring up children? Provide them with a good education and still feed them and clothes them and all the other necessary things. It is something that I am trying to figure out.  What is more important to me?

 

The other side of me says I’m way too young to even be thinking about all this and I should just go out and party.

 

grrr aaargh

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things and I’ve been leaving myself mental notes to blog about them.

 

The thing I think that has annoyed me the most this week was the flat blond cow that could not wait 10 seconds for me to turn despite the fact that I had been waiting ages for the person in front of me. Now she had to drive up alongside me ONE THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD and block my view of on-coming traffic on the lane I needed to turn into. Some people are just rude an annoying and just make you want to scream. LOUDLY.

 

Anyway the other problem is that my beloved is away this coming Thursday and Friday night and all my peoples are booked out. I am going to be reduced to sitting around on a couch watching DVD’s or maybe not. We’ll have to see what happens. With the kind of weather we are having now. Not everybody seems keen to be going out. Which is entirely understandable.

I need a new movie playing in my head

I finally understand what it means to be so caught up in something that you loose you head.

 

I finally understand what it means to be part of something so much bigger than yourself and the immediate people around you.

 

I finally understand what it means to hang your head in disbelief and defeat.

 

I finally know what it feels like to be heart broken and crying because your team didn’t win.

 

I finally know that I will still stand proud in my team colours even after disappointment.

 

I know what it means to analyses moments in my head and somehow make changes.

 

I finally know what it means to be a fan.

 

           

Sometimes you spend your time trawling to things that are interesting and sometimes not so interesting. Sometimes you find things you just have to share. This is one of those times.

 

“My brother told an American he was from South Africa... He said 'Isn't that where Apartheid was?' my brother said 'yeah', the American then said.... Wait for it ... 'I didn't know there were any white people there.' “

 

Minutes to Midnight

I got the new linkin park CD last night. As I was buying the CD, a guy next to me said that it was crap and there was no screamer. At least that’s what I think he said. We made a few more purchases and then went back to the car (I lost the parking ticket). Of course the first order of business was to put on the new Linkin Park CD. (for those who need to know, I was patiently waiting for a call to tell me my CD had arrived from my regular store, after no call for two days, I could not wait any longer and got it from a store I hate making purchases from. But well desperate times call for desperate measures. It had been out for two days already and I didn’t have it.

 

Anyway back to the music. YES there was screamer. Track 2 features Chester in all of his throaty glory. Some of the tracks are good old screaming angry Linkin but overall the album has a beautifully mellow sound to it. Linkin Park has grown up and I guess perhaps I have grown up with them. But as always their music still speaks to the soul. I must admit I don’t have the issues I once did so the lyrics for some of the songs simply just pass me bye.

 

The album is brilliant and I can see myself listening to it for days to come. Track 3 (Leave Out The Rest) is brilliant and should be released as a single.

 

I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
But no one would listen, ’cause no one else cared
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
What am I leaving when I’m done here?

So if you’re asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest, don’t be afraid
I’ve taken my beating, I’ve shared what I made
I’m strong on the surface, not all the way through
I’ve never been perfect, but neither have you

So if you’re asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you’ve learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can’t be who you are

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you’ve learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can’t be who you are

I can’t be who you are

 

the madness of it all

I just spent the last 10 minutes furiously dialling 5fm to try win tickets to the Sharks vs. Bulls match on Saturday. I listened for three hours prior to that and had all the correct answers to the questions asked. I think I made 40 calls.

 

And at the moment the lines were open to start calling in to win ticket – my boss decided right there and then would be a good time to have a meeting.

 

Congratulations to all those who won tickets. I am green.

politics

The world to me seems settled at the moment but I am very aware of the swirling mess that is currently dominating the lives of individuals close to me. I was unintentionally involved in the fray. Who knew blogging had an element of danger attached to it? I don’t know the whole story so I will refrain from commenting but rather talk about something that I heard on the radio this morning.

 

Apparently in Cape Town on Monday a 42 year old man was shot four times over a parking space. If you want to know more click here. This morning Highway Radio had a phone in about road rage and what can be done about it. One lady called in saying that the government is at fault and that they are not doing enough about it.

 

To me it seems that when ever anything does not agree with our way or life or our views on the way the world should be, we stop and say “let’s blame the government’. We never seem to stop and say “What can I do to make the problem better?” How can my behaviour change the way the world works? It’s easy enough to blame the government but it never seems easy to take responsibility for our own actions.

 

It is true that perhaps the government can do something about road rage, but then we’d find something else to complain about. The crime is bad, the roads are not clean. There’s too much of one thing and not enough of another. South Africa is a beautiful country with beautiful people who are all content to blame the government for everything.

 

I personally think there are lot of mistakes that have been made, are being made and will be made in the future but we really need to actually take responsibility for ourselves instead of screaming “GOVERNMENT” every time.

 

 

 

 

 

GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN

Today has been a weird day. Stuff happens. But I’ve also just found out that I’ve been awarded a bursary for my studies.

 

Which is great and it means no more messing around. Having a bursary means working hard.

 

 

blah

The spell check on my computer is not working and I have no idea why. Also I’m a bit to busy to actually look at making sure my spelling is correct. I am still swirling in a world of disappointment and I left my mobile phone at home.

 

My birthday is in 22 days. My birthday is also the day Paris Hilton begins her own prison break journey.

 

Is that a birthday present or what?

EALRY MONDAY MORNING

I just spent the last 40 mintue diriving to work in traffic. There are upsides and downsides to moving to our new place. One of the upsides is that my driving needs are actually somewhat satisfied. The down side is umm .. traffic. Today was my first experience dealing with morning traffic.

But all that does not matter at the moment as I am nursing bitter disappointment. I will not be able to go the final of the super fourteen.

At R300 a ticket; it’s a lot tooo much and something that unfortunately cannot be done. At the moment there is an air of disappointment and upsetness settled over my beloved and I. Going to a game and all that it involves is something that we both enjoy and love doing. We don’t mind leaving really early and sitting in the traffic and then at the stables and walking all that way to sit in the sun and watch the game and now we can’t go.

On the one hand I think that I should not go. Afterall I am a really new fan and there are those out there who have been die hard supportes way longer than I have. Now don’t get me wrong I have always been a shark supporter. After all I was born in Natal and the Sharks are the Kwa-Zulu Natal team. So come rain or shine I will always support the sharks. And yes they have their bad day and have their good days but support is support and you do it no matter what. So while I may not have known anything about rugby, I was always a sharks supporter.

And then there was the Sharks vs Crusaders match where Odwa Ndungane scored a try in the 79 minute of the game. I was hooked. Now I will be the first to admit that I don’t know everything there is to know about rugby but I am making an effrort at learning and I think it somewhat surprises my beloved when I make accurate judgement calls and actually know what’s happening in the game. Further more I have gained the ability to identify the palyers based on their builds and sometimes the numbers on the back of the jerseys. (although not always).

I screamed myself sore at Saturdays match and wore jeans in the blazing sun which means that everytime I got up I could feel my jeans sticking to me, but did I care? Not one wit?

Yes, I am really bumed about not being able to go. But I’ll just keep telling myself that there are people who deserve it more than I do – like Jeremy for example.

And I will be glued to the screen come Saturday. I’ll still be watching.

36 hours later

Its an all SA final!

In 30 hours I will be one of fifty thousand screaming fans at the rugby.

 

In thirty six hours the semi’s will be over.

 

the road to the final begins.

 

 

 

MY SAY: the names changes that are being touted for the greater Durban area.

Why is that while we have no money to fix the roads, build new houses, educate more people, build schools, give more money to people that require it, lower rates, we have the money to change the street names?

How and why is that?

 

Also why is Point Road being renamed to Mahatma Ghandi Road? I think it’s an insult to the Indian community of South Africa and indeed the Indian community world wide. 

 

I do understand that we need to deal with the ghosts of the past. But I do not think that changing the names of the street roads are going to help eradicate the detrimental effects of apartheid. Perhaps we should think about using that money towards something like that or maybe even use it to sponsor more comedy shows so that people of all races and ages can get together and laugh together.

 

Changing the names of the roads is just another example of our countries great effort to focus on the mundane to show the rest of the world that we no longer are what we were. Unfortunately all these mundane efforts make us look like laughing stocks to the rest of the world.

 

The reality is that we need to focus on what makes the country go forward. Changing street names only creates paper work and does nothing for anybody.

 

 

 

 

Thoughts

There are a few things on my mind at the moment

 

1. CURTAINS. I just did curtains for the bedroom at my old flat and then go told I need to move. Now I need to do curtains for the new place. The material that I like for the living room, my beloved seems to think is a little ‘dull’. Humph.
2. BOXES. There are boxes everywhere in my new place. They all need to be unpacked. They are also being forgotten for now due to the rugby. Priorities.
3. THE RUGBY. My beloved’s brother works with at the stadium and was meant to get me a flag. At the moment he is not in the country and will only be back after the rugby – so I’m gonna have to buy my own. Oh well.
4. WAITING. Back in the day my beloved had a car and I would be waiting for him where ever he needed to pick me up usually the sidewalk. Now that his car has been stolen and I need to drive further to work than he does, the situation has not changed. I am still waiting for him on the sidewalk. Except this time he is the one being picked up. – Some things never change and some things do.
5. SUGAR. I have not had sugar for almost two weeks. Yesterday I had a soft drink for the first time in three weeks. I’ve also not had a decent cup of tea for almost a month. Yes, sweeteners are not bad but there really is nothing like a good cup of tea with good milk and real sugar.
6. MOTHERS DAY. I was a good daughter this year. Got really nice Mothers Day Cards early. They are now packed away in boxes and I have no idea where there are. DOH!

 

rugby mania

I kept hitting the refresh button, determined not to loose my place and get tickets for the rugby. It’s done. I have the tickets. My beloved’s credit card has been maxed out. That is the price you pay for glory.

 

R510 later. I will be at the rugby on Saturday with my Sharks cap, my Sharks flag and a shirt with the Sharks logo on it. I will be one of the 50 thousand and I will scream with the rest of them. I’m getting all excited just thinking about it.

 

I will of course work on getting season tickets for next year. After this year how could I not?

 

It is of course going to be an all SA final and it will be in Durban.  And YES the sharks are going to win and yes I am going to be there.

 

And to think three months ago, I couldn’t give a darn.

Movin' on Up! We've finally got a piece of the pie!

The weekend in review; it was only really two days long – Saturday and Sunday but so so much happened.

 

My mother found some interesting things in my fridge. Yes I know what most people would say – why are you scared of your mother. You’re 25 for heavens sake. It’s not an issue of being scared and honestly if you told my mother that I think she’d laugh at you.

 

It’s an issue of respect and honour. No matter how old I am, as her child I am honour bound to respect her; not only for her but for me as well. So while I DO NOT agree with my mother on a great many things I still respect and honour her opinions on it. I would imagine my brother does as well.

 

I also found out that my mother is an avid reader of my blog. – I have no idea how she found it or who showed it to her. We discussed some of the finer things of my posting. While something here my offend her, they are me and this is a piece of my and I stood strong and proud and boldly said that I would not be silent and if anyone chooses to read my ramblings, they do so at their own peril.

 

The move went okay … ish. There is still some stuff that needs to be moved out from our old place. We’ll get there. Thanks to a special cousin, we had a billion boxes and used most of them already. Our spare room is piled high with boxes. We have too much stuff. We’ve only been married for about 2 years and four months but we have

16 dinner plates

16 bowls

8 soup bowls

20 cups

Loads and loads of glasses of every shape and kind.

 

Why do two people need 16 dinner plates? My beloved and I could go for two entire weeks without washing dishes and still have a new clean plate for every meal.

It’s madness I tell you

 

And unsurprisingly there were books everywhere. I think we had like 10 boxes of books. And not all of them were on the bookcase. They were scattered everywhere.

The next few months are going to be going through boxes and turfing stuff out. I have come to the realisation that we really actually have far toooooo much junk and I will be making the biggest efforts I can to get rid of it. I found a box stuffed with old newspapers.

Why on earth I had a box stuffed with newspaper is actually beyond me but there it was filled to the brim with newspaper. Gaaa.

Tossed out the newspaper and stuffed the box with other un-needed junk.

 

 

I watched Ferris Buellers Day Off last week. Does anyone remember the economics class? Anyone, Anyone?

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE SPICE GIRLS

 

Whether you would like to believe or not I was a Spice Girls fan. Or rather I should say am. It amuses my husband to no end every time I sing along to Spice World belting out the lyrics at the top of my voice without pausing for a single breath.

Yes, I really actually still do know all the words. I still know all the words to wannabe as well and can recall many of the finer details with regards to my love affair with the Spice Girls. The Pussycat Dolls could really not hold a candle in comparison.

In the new, I read about David Beckham’s 32nd Birthday celebrations that were attended by four of the five Spices, two with brand new babies and apparently Emma is pregnant and of course Posh Spice was there.

The only thing missing was Sporty Spice – Mel C. The only one (on my opinion) with a wonderfully successful career after the end of Spice.

A little jealous perhaps girls?

on the brightside

the sharks won the rugby

 

home semi-final

 

 

TO ANONYMOUS

Dearest Anonymous

 

Thank you so much for your comments about how pathetic my life is. Really if not for you I would not have realised that I really actually am a sad person and I really must say thank you for pointing it out to me. Now since you've done the only good deed you're ever likely to do - go hang yourself.

 

I'd also like to say you arrogant loathsome cockroach, I bet your life is a whole lot more pathetic than mine. You know why because you little prick I have the guts to say what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. You on the on the other hand hide behind "anonymous". You're really actually really very safe because outside of someone that you've expressed your comments to in person. I don't know who you are but guess what I don't' really actually give a flying rats ass about what you think or what you say. in your opinion I'm pathetic, guess what you dirtbag it's actually you who really are.

 

I'm out there saying what I have to say. Like Jeremy said you feel so proud of yourself for having your say - now come out and tell me who you are. Can't? - well then who's pathetic? Tell me who you are and trust me - I won't feel anything about telling you that you're nothing but ignorant gutter trash.

 

Unlike you - I have a spine and a voice and in your opinion I might be pathetic but at least I have the guts to put a name and a face to my voice.

 

and yes I do think my car is sexy. YOU KNOW WHY - COS IT'S MINE

 

 

 

 

 

one of those annoying forwards

NEW PLAN. Anytime I get one of these thing I’m just gonna post it on my blog and then leave it there.

 

Does anybody actually care about what Shampoo I use?

 

 

1. What time did you get up this morning?  I’m still asleep

2. Diamonds or pearls? Ummm the are both worthy in their own right
3. What was the last film you saw at the movies?  300 (the Spartan six-pack… let’s go again)
4. What is your favourite TV show?  I don’t do TV … I have other more interesting things to occupy my time like study
5. What did you have for breakfast? 1 cup of bran flakes with a banana and ½ cup lot fat milk. I’m on a lifestyle eating plan
6. What is your middle name(s)? Denise

7. What is your favourite cuisine?  Right now I would settle for something I consider wonderfully satisfying. It’s the lifestyle eating plan

8. What foods do you dislike? At the moment? Everything I put in my mouth
9. What is your favourite crisp flavour? Ghostbusters and cheese curls
10. What is your favourite CD at the moment? The new Timberlake … I loooooove track 2

 11. What type of car do you drive?  A sexy black Chevrolet Spark.
13. What characteristics do you despise? People who think they know everything.

14. Favourite item of clothing? My brand new Ginger Mary top.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? The place where the 300 died and go see the Tomb of King Leonidas
16. Favourite time of the day? Night time
17. What was your most memorable birthday? I have no idea
18. Where were you born? Durban. The doctor told me mother that my chances or survival were minimal so I was born at king Edwards. My mother tried to soothe my by telling me they had the best doctors of the time there.
19. Favourite sport to watch? Cricket and Shawn Michaels
20. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?  You all better send it back … except you Vani
21. Who do you expect to send it back first?  Leeandra … I’m waiting. Sunny boy is not going to call J
22. Coke or Pepsi? Umm water?
23. Are you a morning person or a night owl? OWL
24. What is your shoe size? 5

25. Do you have any pets? No do I look like an animal person?

26. What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to be bigger. Some things never change

27. When is your birthday?  5^th June 1981
28. Shampoo? Sunsilk … the yellow one and some other insanely expensive Wella products that I’m terrified of                          finishing
29. Soap? Star struck or star shine or something like that. Has the essence of blue flower

30. Summer/Winter?  Winter
32. Thinking about? How much longer is this gonna take?

33. Listening to: my boss coughing and the melodic sounds of my fingers hitting the keys.  

 

******THE LAST 24 HOURS**************
Cried? Yes, I found out that someone I knew has passed away at the tender age of 22. I was very upset.
Met someone new?  NOPE
Cleaned your room? No I’m moving. I’m making a mess
Drove a car? No actually. Must rectify that
How many hours sleep? Whatever it was, it wasn't enough
 

************DO YOU BELIEVE IN**************
Santa Clause: YES

Destiny/Fate? NO
Ghosts? NO
 

 

 

 

 

DEATH

I just found out that a 22 year old acquaintance of mine died on Saturday. Death is not easier and I’ve had to think about it too often in the last two weeks. I hate it.

 

Someone thinks I complain too much about my life based on what I write here. That person doesn’t seem to understand that this is where I heal my hurts, where I voice my pains and then move on. It hurts when people die. Even those you didn’t know all that well. Every death leaves a mark on you that never ever really goes away.

 

I’ll always remember Mark. His death shook the foundations that my world was precariously balanced on. His death still affects me today.

 

The death of my father also still affects me in ways that I never would have thought. I hate the pain that death bring. The stains that it leaves on your soul. I understand that it is a part of life but I hate the sadness and complete darkness and despair that surrounds it.

Dieting grrr aaarrg

The diet is going well. I have to have fruit. Earlier today I had the weirdest apple ever. Two pieces of fruit twice a day and try to get in three cups of veggies a day. Three cups? Bloody hell.

 

My mind is still reeling from the Harry Potter overload. I also watched 300 on Friday night and  HELL  … the Spartan six-pack. Now that was something that I’d go see again. Frank Miller strikes again though with some unbelievable violence. Chop chop.  Imdb.com had some really interesting things to say about the trivia concerning the movie.  King Leonidas was an amazing man. His queen was more so.

 

I completely forgot what else I was going to say.

 

Potter

There are 79 days till the next Harry Potter and 72 days till the next movie. I spent the last two doing maths and history and watching Harry Potter movies. All four in two days.

 

 

Very soon we are going to be drowning in Potterness.  As the seventh month grows closer and the prophecy is to be fulfilled.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Monday morning":

“Get over yourself ... all you do is complain bout how pathetic your life was and how your childhood was anything but free. Get over it. You are alive today and your experiences have made you who you are. STOP COMPLAINING”

 

 

To the person who left that comment.

 

You arrogant little shit – If you don’t like what I have to say then don’t read my damn blog. Further more if you have something to say – than at least have a spine and say it straight to my face instead of leaving anonymous comments. And just because you read one post doesn’t make you an expert on me and what I do say or am.

 

Asshole.